Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
