I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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