She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
