wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
