the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
