I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
