I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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