sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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