There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
