so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
