Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
