Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
