hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
