She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
