There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
