so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
