I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
