Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
