If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize