I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize