no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
