They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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