Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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