The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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