It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
