Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
