maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
