just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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