I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
