Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
