I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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