I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
