Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
