i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
