dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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