I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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