That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm drive I can fine osifer
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
