I heard we made out
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
