Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
