I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
