last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
