you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
