its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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