And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
