I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Who died my cat blue again?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
