if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
