Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
