im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
