Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
