Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
