Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
