No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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