i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
