perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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