I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
