Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
