Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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