This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
