Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
